Commercial Hate: Zales

Television commercials help to provide an opportunity for shows to segway into new scenes and create tension, drama, laughter and emphasis through extended pauses in action.  Commercials also provide an opportunity for viewers to relieve themselves and a platform for advertisers and marketing teams to display their unique brand of out-of-touch and general stupidity to the masses.  Here, we examine these few minutes closely.

Hey, a quick note.  I am going to try to do one of these each week, on the same day.  I’m sorry that it has been ten+ days since the last one…not that anyone noticed.

It is the holiday season and naturally the holiday shopping season.  Like clockwork, commercials touting the lastest anything and most fashionable everything started appearing Thanksgiving night.  Now, I had an idea to write about television advertising for some time now.  I am dumfounded that 70% of what is seen and heard gets the clearence and monetary support to become realities, and that some people make money off of this junk.  I think that there are three major traps (shout out to sawfan666) in television advertising.  The first trap is how seemingly out of touch commercials are with the viewers they are attempting to reach out to.  The second issue I have is how mundane and traditional commercials are.  I don’t even want to consider how much money advertisers make pitching a talking animal – which I HATE.   Finally, the third is that often times advertisers simply miss the mark.

I think that the latter of the three is where this Zales commercial falls flat on its face.  I actually don’t blame jewelry commercials for holiday advertising.  Okay, I resent for making me feel like a terrible boyfriend for being extremely uncreative and unopportunistic, not liking to stand out in the cold and not being able to buy a diamond necklace on the drop of a whim.  Its called the recession, Zales, Kay and Jared. 

Anyway, around the 00:14 mark, a man (presumably not a stalker) is outside of a woman’s window watching her do dishes (I think) and the words “THE SHE’S GONNA CRY STORE” appear.  I just want to say that I feel if I tried anything CLOSE to this I would end up in a holding cell.  Also, can I talk about her reaction for one second?  Maybe I do not work well under stressful situations, but a dark figure lurking outside of my window with a something metallic and shiny extending from his hand?  I think my initial reaction is to grab every knife in the surrounding area and heave it towards the window.  My next move is to stutter and mumble to a 911 dispatcher.

Yet, I feel the most insane part about this commercial is the association that Zales is placing upon itself with women crying.  Do you know what I think of when I hear the “SHE’S GONNA CRY STORE?” Domestic abuse, not Zales.   The “SHES GONNA CRY STORE” sounds like a domestic abuse department store!  I tried to think of a few more opportunities for the agency which came up with this masterpiece.

Jack Daniels – the “SHE’S GONNA CRY” whiskey.

Wrangler – the Brett Favre threw a game losing interception and now “SHE’S GONNA CRY” jeans.

The Midwestern United States – The “SHE’S GONNA CRY” region.

Better yet, turn these all into one domestic abuse marketing campaign and you can probably get one or both of Ike Turner and Chris Brown at a discounted price.

-Producer Frank of Kissing Contest, the “SHE’S GONNA CRY” Podcast.

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