Frank’s 3rd World

Commercial Hate

Television commercials help to provide an opportunity for shows to segway into new scenes and create tension, drama, laughter and emphasis through extended pauses in action.  Commercials also provide an opportunity for viewers to relieve themselves and a platform for advertisers and marketing teams to display their unique brand of out-of-touch and general stupidity to the masses.  Here, we examine these few minutes closely.

With this mind numbing commercial series from Capital One, it seems the main theme throughout this running joke is that a group of vikings have miraculously appeared in the 21st Century, have been given Capital One credit cards and have been running through a series of misadventures with fish-out-of-water antics.  My first question is a simple one – what the HELL DO VIKINGS HAVE TO DO WITH MY CREDIT CARD, CAPITAL ONE?  At least Geico was able to bring it back to car insurance with the goddamn cavemen in the “Geico – so easy a caveman can use it” campaign.  Maybe Capital One was aiming for a “Capital One – we take your monthly interest payments and our marketing team consisting of 4th graders create paper mache sculptures using $20 bills.”  I can only imagine the meeting where this idea was pitched and well received….

“CAVE MEN HA HA HA HA HA HA – THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO COME UP WITH. SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR ME JOHNSON????”

“WHAT IF WE USE…. AN AFRICAN TRIBE OR SOMETHING? AND THEY RUN AROUND AND ALL OF THIS CRAZY STUFF HAPPENS TO THEM AND THEN ITS LIKE CAPITAL ONE – EVEN AFRICANS CAN USE OUR CARD!”

“WHAT IS THAT THING AT THE END WITH ALL THE WORDS?”

“UH, A SLOGAN?”

“YEAH, GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THERE, NO WORDS, JUST FUNNY PEOPLE RUNNING AROUND… AND WE NEED TO BE MORE WHITE”

“HMM… HOW ABOUT WE VIKINGS? VIKINGS ARE FROM MINNESOTA AND WHITE PEOPLE LIVE THERE!”

“Perfect.”

I just have no clue how or why this relates to credit cards.  In this commercial specifically, a Capital One Viking is seen using a credit card and appears to have bought a car.  YET, the viking family is SOO CRAZY that they have to use a goat for a paper shredder and their son is such a motherfucker that babysitters are terrified and exhausted by him. OH NO. BABY SITTERS.  OKAY, I’M SOLD, CAPITAL ONE GIVE ME TEN MORE CARDS AT 70% INTEREST! Another question of mine is, how are nomadic sea people whose JOB it is to rape and pillage getting an unlimited credit card?  They go on vacation all the fucking time.  What gives.  And if they are suggesting that it is so easy that a viking can use capital one and receive all these rewards, well then DO NOT COMPARE ME TO SOMEONE WHO RAPES AND PILLAGES SEABOARD COMMUNITIES, DICKHEAD.

The thing is, I know how this ends.  I can feel it.  I know you can feel it.  I give it 6 more months until Mike and Sawyer read “The Capital One Viking show on CBS which is sandwiched in between Fat People and Two and a Half Men and a Prostitute – Cocaine Binge is the new #1 rated comedy this spring!”

-Producer Frank

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Frank’s 3rd World”

  1. PSY/OPSogist Says:

    Way to go Frank
    I can see you are going to fit in well with this kissing contest
    I think the rape connection is what cap one does to all their customers

  2. For real, producer Frank is pulling his weight and then some.
    -sawyer

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: