Episode 179

Posted in KC Episodes, Uncategorized on April 3, 2014 by kissingcontest

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We packed so much crap into this episode. We have BEERTALK sponsored by ROCK ART BREWERY, Wrestlechat, a special Taco Bell breakfast edition of snaxchat, we look at some movies that are IN PRODUCTION NOW and a round of MOVIE WATCHIN with THE ACT OF KILLING, plus PHROSTIES and lots of GOOFS and GAFFES.

 

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TACO BELL BREAKFAST REPORT

Posted in Uncategorized on March 29, 2014 by kissingcontest

Hey Mike here to give you the LOW DOWN on the new Taco Bell breakfast.

Here are some things I should preface this with so you know more about me on a personal level.

1. I unironically love Taco Bell but I am still unbiased enough to know a lot of their menu itmes taste like dog food.

2. I am not really a breakfast burrito type of person. Putting 17 eggs worth of egg into a tortilla with a cut up sausage link is not my thing.

3. I try not to eat a lot of pork products because they make me sick but I do anyway because YOLO so any bathroom problems I have for the rest of the day are my own problem and not Taco Bells.

4. THIS TACO BELL DID NOT HAVE FIRE SAUCE WHICH IS AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE TACO BELL EXPERIENCE

OK so me an listener Danial travelled to the magical Bushwick Taco Bell which turns out is like 2 minutes away from our house and we never knew so that is probably going to improve our life so much. I honestly thought the AM Tbell menu was only like 4 items and the cinnabites but it’s SO MUCH MORE, so there might be a part two to this report.

First up I got the AM CRUNCHWRAP with BACON except they forgot to put the BACON inside the CRUNCHWRAP which was maybe a blessing in disguise due to my delicate stomach but even without the BACON, this Crunchwrap was pretty Tooooooiiiight. The crunchy hash brown disk really adds a whole new level to the Taco Bell arsenal. Also the “eggs” they use are a lot more realistic in taste and texture than most other fast food breakfast spots. I could eat a hundred of these things. I ca’t even imagine how OUT OF BOUNDS it will be once I have one with BACON and FIRE SAUCE

Next I had the steak and egg burrito which was one of the menu items I didn’t even know existed. This was ok if youre into burritos with eggs in them. The steak didn’t have the dog food taste that some of the more adventurous meats at taco bell tend to have and there was a good MEAT TO EGG ratio so if you are the breakfast burrito type, you should check it out, THOUGH i do think it may have been the most expensive breakfast item and i wouldn’t go all out for it since the AM Crunchwrap is RIGHT THERE.

Waffle Taco with sausage was next. This is the big gimmick item they’ve been pushing and I wasn’t really expecting much and didn’t get much. It tasted like something your school cafeteria might come up with as a treat. It was pretty bland overall and even wrse without the syrup. They need to up their waffle game ALOT if they even want to be in the same conversation with the mighty Mcgriddle.

Oh there were some cinnabites too and they were fucking disgusting. I think the ones I had were overcooked, but I don’t think anything could be done to make me not think they were gross. I am not into sickly sweet hot gooey cum shots in the middle of fried oversugared dough. blech.

The single best part of Taco Bell breakfast is that ALL BETS ARE OFF and you can order regular menu items along with the breakfast items so If you live near a more accommodating TBell, maybe you can get them to stick some chicken and sour cream in that AM Crunchwrap. 

 

 

 

 

Episode 178

Posted in KC Episodes, Uncategorized on March 28, 2014 by kissingcontest

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We have the OG lineup of Kissing Contest Mike and Doan are joined by Mark Freado who has been off the grid for a while. We do the April movie preview which takes forrrreeeveeeeeevvvveer and then THREE stages of SNAXMANIA as we travel from the streets of New York to a grandma’s house in Australia and then end up in an airport in Japan. THIS EPISODE CANT BE MISSED SIT BACK AND RELAX WITH A PACK OF CACOA NIBBIES AND KISSING CONTEST.

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Kissing Contest Vault Episode 2

Posted in Uncategorized on March 24, 2014 by kissingcontest

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Last week Sawyer was on that 24/7 paper chase and got stuck at work while Mike was on the verge of death thanks to a virus infecting his ghoul-circuits, so there wasn’t a new episode.  But what we DO have for you is the second ever episode of Kissing Contest from over 4 years ago, previously unavailable on the internet.  Rather than try to describe it ourselves, here’s Past Guest Host and King Of The Internet Scot’s review:

“Man… everything about this sounds so weird now.

It’s as if Sawyer was afraid his heart might stop if every sentence didn’t contain vulgarity but Mike also used to be so much more open to Sawyer’s random interjections and free associations. It borders on warmth and chemistry!

Like flowers growing on a dead body.”

GET IT: Direct / iTunes

 

REALITY MADNESS 2014

Posted in Uncategorized on March 23, 2014 by kissingcontest

ImageWelcome to another year of Kissing Contest’s reality madness tournament. This post will explain the rule changes this year and give you a brief description of each show in the tournie (I’m just gonna C&P from wiki so if they aren’t too thorough, do your own research)

First up, the purpose of this tournament is to find out which reality show is making the America the saddest, based on content, influence, and the judges personal fears and shames. Secondly, this year I’ve decide to limit the tournament to reality shows that started in 2010 or later. This way Teen Mom and Toddlers and Tiaras don’t win every year, and it’s not like college players in the real NCAA Tournament stay in college forever winning championships, they move on, and so do terrible fucking reality shows.

WIthout further ado, here are the brackets, I suggest right click saving, otherwise they are hard to read:

http://kissingcontest.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/realitymadness2014.pdf

Now Here are brief descriptions of every entrant:

NORTHWEST BRACKET (Top Left)

1. Duck Dynasty (A&E) – Duck Dynasty is an American reality television series on A&E that portrays the lives of the Robertson family, who became wealthy from their family-operated business, Duck Commander.

2. Extreme Couponing (TLC) – TLC’s Extreme Couponing is a show about shoppers who make extensive and focused use of coupons to save money while accumulating large quantities of goods.[5] It was previewed in December 2010; after surpassing network expectations with more than 2 million viewers, it received a series order[6][7] and began regular airings in April 2011.[8]

3. Mob Wives (VH1) – Mob Wives, renamed Mob Wives: New Blood for the fourth season,[1] is an American reality television series on VH1 that made its debut April 17, 2011. It follows a group of Staten Island women after their husbands or fathers are arrested and imprisoned for crimes connected to the Mafia.

4. Friday Night Tykes (Esquire) – Like Toddlers and Tiaras except with boys

5. My Cat From Hell (Animal Planet) – A creepy toucher comes to your house and tells you how to take care of your cat

6. My Strange Addiction (TLC) – Marvel at people with mental illnesses that are addicted to doing weird shit

7. Moonshiners (DISCOVERY) – Rednecks pretend to make moonshine

8. Call of the Wildman (Animal Planet) – Call of the Wildman is an American reality television series that airs on the Animal Planet network. The third season of the series is currently airing. The show follows the exploits of Kentucky woodsman Ernie Brown, Jr., nicknamed “The Turtleman”. Aided by his friend, Neal James, and his dog, Lolly, Brown operates a nuisance animal removal business, while he catches and releases nuisance animals. The series is primarily filmed near Brown’s Lebanon, Kentucky, home.

9. Preachers of LA (Oxygen) – SASSY PREACHERS WITH ATTITUDE

10. GIgolos (SHowtime) – The lives of Male whores

11. Hardcore Pawn (TRU) – More realistic than Pawn Stars but also way more fake

12. Ink Master (Spike) – Sick Tatty contest

13. Beyond Scared Straight (A&E) – teaching kids lessons by having prisoners yell at them

14. Horse Players (esquire) – a boring show about nerds that bet on horse racing

15. Southern Charm (Bravo) – The notoriously closed society of Charleston, South Carolina unlocks the gates of their centuries-old plantation homes for a real-life look at how modern-day Southern aristocracy lives. Get charmed by the social scene which is bound by tradition and ostentation unlike any other culture in America, through a group of the city’s most charismatic gentlemen and their Southern belle equals.

16. Comic Book Men (AMC) – Kevin Smith’s fat friends have their own show

 

SOUTHWEST BRACKET (Bottom Left)

1. Doomsday Preppers (NatGeo) – Maniacs think the world is going to end and bum out their families

2. Catfish (MTV) – fat people on the internet trick dumb people into dating them

3. Sister Wives (TLC) – Some guy is married to a bunch of ladies

4. Cheer Perfection (TLC) – http://www.tmz.com/2014/01/14/cheer-perfection-mom-andrea-clevenger-arrested-rape-minor/

5.Love & Hip Hop (VH1) – washed up rappers acting poorly

6. Lizard Lick Towing (Tru) – fat ugly fucks pretend to tow stuff

7. Game of Arms (AMC) – the most dramatic arm wreslting matches ever filmed

8. Million Dollar Bigfoot Bounty (Spike) – idiots hunt for Bigfoot

9. Chrisley Knows Best (USA) – Sassy dipshit and his sassy dipshit family

10. Black Ink Crew (VH1) – a tattoo show with no actual tattooing

11. To Catch a Contractor (Spike) – Adam Corolla has nothing better to do

12. Auction Hunters (Spike) – Guys go find garbage and resell it but one of the guys has a tattoo on his head

13. Freak Show (AMC) – about an old timey freak show because that’s apparently still a thing

14. Kim of Queens (Lifetime) – Kim of Queens is a Lifetime reality TV show about a pageant coach, 1991 Miss Georgia winner Kim Gravel, which follows Gravel, her mother Jo, and her younger sister Allisyn as they train young girls for beauty pageants. It premiered on January 1, 2014.

15. The Safecrackers (TRU) – Follow Phil Crawford, one of America’s leading safecrackers, and his best buddy, Blaze as they travel the country to unravel mysteries and unlock the secrets lurking in abandoned safes. Phil, Blaze and their fun-loving crew of family and friends can track down and crack giant bank vaults, intricate antique safes and even armored vehicles and underground bunkers.

16. The Taste (ABC) – The Voice except with food

 

NORTHEAST BRACKET (top right)

1. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (TLC) – Way to go, America

2. Extreme Cheapskates (TLC) – Way to go, America

3. Naked & Afraid (DIscovery) – it’s like Survivor but way more fucked up

4. Amish Mafia (Discovery) – Fake amish fake strongarm other fake amish

5. Long Island Medium (TLC) – italian racial stereotype pretends to hear dead people

6. Pregnant & Dating (WE) – ::facepalm::

7. The Voice (NBC) – like american idol but…not….i guess?

8. American Hoggers (A&E) – American Hoggers is an American reality television series on A&E that debuted October 19, 2011. The series chronicles the lives of the Campbell family whose family business is professional game hunting

9. Wahlburgers (A&E) – Donny and Mark made a tv show for their ugly brother

10. My Big Fat Revenge (Oxygen) – LOL! “After being discounted, humiliated, and rejected because of their weight, these women are ready to take control of their lives, put their painful pasts behind them, and finally stand up to the people who inflicted the hurt. From the girl whose boyfriend proposed with a ring two sizes too small to the girl who was tormented about her size by her childhood dance instructor, these women will get the ultimate chance to get healthy, change their lives for the better, and teach their former offenders the lesson of a lifetime. With an eye for an eye approach, these ex-boyfriends, former classmates and even family members will get a taste of their own medicine as they’re set up on blind dates, auditions, and nightmare jobs to experience what they put their offenders through.”

11. Heroes Of Cosplay (Syfy) – Follow around nerd babes in sex nerd costumes boioioioioioooooing

12. Savage Family Diggers (Spike) – The series focuses on Savage and his crew as they travel across the United States searching for buried artifacts. Searching historical documents, the team attempts to find locations that may contain artifacts that can be located using a variety of tools including shovel and metal detectors. The crew has to negotiate with the various land owners for permission to dig on their land. Due to many Americans being protective of their land it can be quite harrowing trying to find locations to dig. When valuable artifacts are discovered they are taken to various collectors and sold at which time the money would be split between the land owner and Savage.

13. Warped Roadies (Fuse) – Guys with the lamest job try and pretend their job isn’t so lame. Also features bands youve never heard of.

14. Mystery Diners (Food) – Mystery Diners is an American reality television series on the Food Network. The series, hosted by Charles Stiles, debuted on May 25, 2012, and focuses on a group of diners who, at certain owners’ requests, go undercover at specific restaurants and set up undercover stings and unseen surveillance cameras to catch misbehaving restaurant employees in the act.

15. Party Down South (CMT) – Yet another attempt at a redneck Jersey Shore

16. Toy Hunter (Travel) – questionably gay man hunts for old toys

 

SOUTHEAST BRACKET (bottom right)

1. Storage Wars (A&E) – The show that somehow gets more and more disgusting by the year

2. Bar Rescue (Spike) – Jon Taffer fixes bars by making people smell gross shit in their bar

3. Dance Moms (Lifetime) – More fat ugly adults bullying young children

4. Marriage Bootcamp (WE) – The first season of Marriage Boot Camp chronicles the lives of five couples from previous seasons of Bridezillas as they move into one house together in order to save their marital bonds.[2] They realize the issues in themselves, and see how it’s hurting their marriages.[2] The couples also do a number of exercises to see if their marriages are worth saving.[2] In the end, the couples will decide if they should divorce or make up.[2] Leading the program is marriage counselor team Jim Carroll and his wife Elizabeth.[6]

5. Basketball Wives (VH1) – are any of these hoes actually married to basketball players?

6. Undercover Boss (CBS) – millionaire business owner pretends to be common man for a day

7. Immortalized (AMC) – Taxidermy competition!

8. Swamp People (History) – Each season, the series focuses on five teams of alligator hunters, with each episode generally featuring three or four teams, as they hunt gator. Some episodes also feature other aspects of the social and sporting life of the swamp, including fishing and hunting for other animals, such as squirrel.

9. Doomsday Castle (Natgeo) – one doomsday prepper was so good at being a maniac they gave him his own show!

10. Restaurant Stakeout (Food) – fake ass Jon Taffer shows people how shitty their restaurant is

11. Preachers Daughters (Lifetime) – Preachers’ Daughters encompasses four pastors‘ daughters and their families as they’re put through the test of balancing their lives with their parents’ firm expectations all the while following their religious values.

12. Thrift Hunters (Spike) – dude shopping at goodwill. it’s a whole show now.

13. My Big Redneck Family (CMT) – CMT looking for that Honey Boo Boo demographic

14. Game of Stones (Discovery) – Billions of dollars in precious stones are unearthed each year, but the rarest never make it to the open market. That’s where Don Kogen, America’s most extreme gem hunter, comes in. Kogen is CEO of Gem Guys, Inc., and a legend in the business. He specializes in rare stones from the most dangerous and lawless places on earth, racing the clock to be the first to each new find, always staying one step ahead of the competition. GAME OF STONES, featuring the real adventures of Kogen and his crew,

15. Below Deck (Bravo) – Below Deck chronicles the crew members who work and reside aboard the mega-yacht, “Honor”.[3] It shows the crew as they deal with their personal issues in order to make their professional careers work. Each episode features a different group of guests.

16. G-Thing (Fuse) – Italian racial stereotype pretends to be a rapper. fails.

 

 

 

 

 

Episode 177

Posted in KC Episodes on March 14, 2014 by kissingcontest

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Movie News, our second edition of ASK US ANYTHING, Snaxchat ‘NAWLEANS edition, MOVIE WATCHIN’ with DAUGHTERS OF SATAN

DOWNLOAD:

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Episode 176

Posted in KC Episodes on March 7, 2014 by kissingcontest

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A super packed and inebriated episode featuring Movie News, Wrestlechat, Doans SPORTS CURSE, Snaxchat with underground beer and MTN DEW CHEETOS and more, and then finally MOVIE WATCHIN with This Must Be The Place

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